Of the numerous awards and honours in which we humans can be awarded for our effort to assist or advance the human condition; none can surpass the long-honoured Nobel Prize. For those of you who have not won such a gong and want to – let me suggest a pursuit that may give you a more than even monetary chance of doing so.
To make hindsight readily available to all would improve mankind immeasurably. For many years now, in my small laboratory (my bar sink), I have been attempting to solve the problem of manufacturing such a product. When I’m successful, I intend to bottle it and have Coles and Woolworths place it at eye level on their shelves. The product will be called “IF ONLY,” but Aldi may have their own name for it, maybe “Good Hindsight, Different Hindsight.”
Only those who do not learn from history will see the need to purchase it. This fact, however, will be the major hurdle that the advertising industry will have to address in their television and other forms of advertising. Some of the catchphrases that could be used to promote sales are “I told you so” or “Why, Why, Why” and “Bloody Hell, I Didn’t See That Coming.”
Much thought has been given to how the doses or meals of the product may or could be administered.
Should “IF ONLY” be eaten with a spoon, inhaled, or drunk straight from the bottle? What will be important is that a large portion should be taken daily, even before getting out of bed. For this reason, a mouthful from a six-pack at the bedside table will, and must, become as important as one’s daily ablutions.
What flavour should be used? Something bittersweet in the mouth could be a good idea; better before than after.
A couple of errors that have taken place over time and would have been prevented are “It was a good idea at the time”, “I Do”, and “I promise I will withdraw”. And how many times have you heard, “She’ll be right mate”?
Such a product should be free of GST and covered by Medicare. Because of all the good side effects and benefits that “IF ONLY” would achieve worldwide, it would not be surprising that the deserved gong could be awarded in any of the following categories. PEACE: No more, or maybe less anyway, wars. Less nagging from wives would be a major improvement for many men, or “Please get yourself a hearing aid,” the common lament of many wives that may cease.
PHYSICS: Just being able to cram such a large subject into a 500mg bottle and then be able to keep the lid on will be Newtonian.
CHEMISTRY: No animals will be used in its development or manufacture, but owls’ blood could speed up the process. Be sure to get RSPCA approval first.
LITERATURE: The panel that does the judging would now be able to report that anyone in need of hindsight, or if they thought of it sooner, could write “War and Peace”, “Hamlet”, Elgar’s “Sea Pictures” or “Waiting for Godo”, but it’s hard to understand why anyone else would want to be the first to write that shocker
All good science should be shared with the rest of the world for the benefit of all Mankind – but make your millions first – then be charitable and give free samples to those in most need, such as military generals, politicians, opening batsmen who flash outside their off stump or “Mate it’s a cert”. You will need to sacrifice many units, but such charity will also prove to be a substantial tax deduction.
Well, there you have it. I have given you the idea. Now, go and make it. For the world’s sake, I will not be disappointed if you beat me to it. If you are successful, I hope you have a good tax accountant to assist with the millions you will make. Don’t forget my ten per cent and my first-class airfare to Norway accompanying you. Ten per cent will be a small price to pay in lieu of the millions of lawyers who will make it if my copyright is infringed.
I suppose I should include the date when I came up with the idea (1/1/1960) to cover the copyright.
Yes, it has been a long time. I can’t understand why, “If necessity is the mother of invention,” such a needy product doesn’t exist.