Funny jokes that will make you cry with laughter

By The Bribie Islander - Local Newspaper & Blog

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funny jokes, humour

Tags: Funny Jokes. Humour. Laughter.

LAUGH RIOT

AUSSIE BUSH ETIQUETTE IS RECOGNIZED THROUGHOUT THE CIVILIZED WORLD BUT WE ALL NEED TO BE REMINDED FROM TIME TO TIME.

In General:

1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview…

2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them.

3. It’s tacky to take an Esky to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it’s time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you’re certain you’re included in the will, it’s rude to take your ute and trailer to the funeral.

Eating Out:

1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine.

2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.

Entertaining at Home:

1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Don’t allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.

Personal Hygiene:

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one’s OWN ute keys.

2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn’t a waste of money.

3. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.

4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a nono, it alters the taste of finger foods and if you are a woman it can draw attention away from your jewellery.

Theatre/Cinema Etiquette:

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie ends.

2. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can’t hear you.

Weddings:

1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummerbund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.

3. Though uncomfortable, say “yes” to socks and shoes for the occasion.

Driving Etiquette:

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun’s loaded and the roo’s in your rifle sight.

2. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn’t always have the right of way.

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it’s impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.

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A highly successful sales and leadership career working in a number of different and very competitive industries. Engaging with decision makers at all levels in business and government. Three decades employed by corporations, SME businesses in senior roles and almost twelve years operating as a freelance contractor has equipped me well for all aspects of business. Whether leading and mentoring sales teams, or in a direct sales role I enjoy the challenge to meet and exceed expectations. Making a real and tangible difference in either a team environment or as an individual is an important personal goal I have consistently achieved throughout my career. In all of my business and personal dealings over the years there is one issue that stands out above all others - communication. Excellent communication skills creates trust, helps with mutually beneficial outcomes and above all cements long lasting positive relationships. I strive everyday to communicate effectively with the people I encounter.