jokes humour funny

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet . “I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds .” When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 POUNDS ! “Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?” The Irishman nodded…”I’ll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t’aut I were going to drop dead dat 3rd day. “ “From hunger, you mean? “ “No, from bloody skippin’ !”

 


 

Scotch with two drops of water… A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the she says, ‘I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today..’ The bartender says, ‘Well, since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.’ As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, ‘I would like to buy you a drink, too.’ The old woman says, ‘Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.’ ‘Coming up,’ says the bartender. As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, ‘I would like to buy you one, too.’ The old woman says, ‘Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.’ ‘Coming right up,’ the bartender says. As he gives her the drink, he says, ‘Ma’am, I’m dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?’ The old woman replies, ‘Sonny, when you are my age, you’ve learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.’

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