Funny Jokes, Humour

Tags: Funny Jokes, Humour

A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company. In court, the Eversweet Company’s hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy. ‘Didn’t you say to the police at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine?’ asked the solicitor. Paddy responded: ‘Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I’d just loaded my fav’rit cow, Bessie, into da… ‘ ‘I didn’t ask for any details’, the solicitor interrupted.

Featured Image(above): Sent in by Farlie, Bribie Island

‘Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!’?’ Paddy said, ‘Well, I’d just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin’ down da road…. ‘ The solicitor interrupted again and said,’Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.

‘ By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Paddy’s answer and said to the solicitor: ‘I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie’. Paddy thanked the Judge and proceeded.’Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav’rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin’ her down de road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder.

By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin’ and groanin’. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans. Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin’ and groanin’ too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, ‘How are you feelin’?’ ‘Now wot da hell would you say?’

 


 

A Scotsman walks into the Bank of England in Threadneedle Street, Central London and asks for the manager. He tells the manager that he is going to Australia on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000. The manager tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so Hamish hands over the keys and documents of new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank.

He produces the Log Book and everything checks out. The manager agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank’s General Manager and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Rough looking Scotsman for using a £120,000 Ferrari as collateral against a £5000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, Hamish returns, Repays the £5,000 and the interest, Which comes to £15.41. The manager says, “Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.

What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow £5,000?” Hamish replies, “Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41 and expect it to be there when I return.”

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