A Letter of Complaint


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Those of you who have read my previous articles will know I am not the complaining type. I pride myself in having a sunny disposition and can see the humorous side in most of life’s little catastrophes. However, of late, I have found my sweet nature sorely taxed. Maybe it is something to do with my advancing age but I think not! I am sure I am the same beautiful person I always was, thinking the best of everyone and everything, so I can only conclude that I am being punished for my eternal optimism by a world that is out to get me in all kinds of subtle manners.

I will give you a few examples:

Why is it that Supermarkets think their customers want to spend the maximum amount of time inside their hallowed halls? In these COVID times surely they know that we do not wish to partake in their games of Hide and Seek. They hide their wares, whilst we seek whereon-earth they have put them this week. Up and down the aisles we trudge, looking for the liquid soap or our favourite brand of mustard or whatever else is on our shopping list.

The more cynical amongst you might think that we are being encouraged to make extra impromptu purchases, thereby spending far more than we intended to do, but this is surely an unworthy and impure thought. Undoubtedly, this would be the last idea in their heads; the “we are here to help” emblazoned on the back of the assistants tee-shirts means just that, doesn’t it?

Without question, coffee shops are the proper place to linger longer in these plague-ridden times! Eating out with friends used to be one of my favourite things to do but although I am grateful that restaurants are open, I am afraid I still do have some piddling little grouches concerning the cutlery which, these days, comes in a small paper bag. Hidden in the bag is a packet of salt, pepper and the smallest paper napkins known to mankind.

Maybe this is fine for dainty eaters, but I am afraid I am not to be numbered amongst them. Would it cut all profits if decent-sized napkins were supplied? And why do we not get a spoon? As my grandson said when in Grade 2, after being told by his teacher that he could not put a highly questionable word Online Casinos AUD in his spelling book, “But I might need to know how to spell it!” I feel the same way about spoons. For me, they are a necessary article of cutlery.

Yes, I do ask for one, but this means an extra journey for the waiter/ waitress as these days one cannot help oneself in case we spread the dreaded virus.

And now for my final complaint! Those of a delicate nature may cease reading at this point and move on to another article in this worthy magazine, perhaps the Children’s Page.

Why cannot the Powers-that-Be put decent toilet paper in public toilets? The thin paper that one finds in the Ladies is a fundamental insult to all patrons. If this is a cost-cutting measure, it is sadly misguided. In order to do the job for which this paper is intended, one needs to take sheets and sheets and sheets to either scrunch or fold, (remember that advertisement?) and even then, it miserably fails any form of efficiency test. I have even been told a horror story of an unfortunate lady whose high heel became caught at the end of the roll. When she left the convenience she was completely unaware that she was dragging a train of paper behind her, thereby advertising to all and sundry, exactly where she had been, and what she had been doing.

At home, I never need to take more than three sheets of my superior loo paper, and furthermore, no paper finishes up on my lavatory floor thus any embarrassment or untidiness is avoided! If I should discover that the Gents have better paper it will be a call to arms, and there will be a Protest March to City Hall against this most blatant form of sex discrimination. I will quiz some of my gentlemen friends on this vexed point.

I have found writing this short letter of complaint quite cathartic, and feel more kindly disposed to the world in general.

I do wonder, though, if any of my helpful hints will be put into practice.