Laugh Riot – March 2019

By The Bribie Islander Gloss Magazine

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2018
jokes humour funny

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Tags: Funny jokes. Humour. Riddles

“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what that means when someone pays you minimum wage? You know what your boss was trying to say? ‘Hey, if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’”

“Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long if you’re fat.”

“The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves.”

“I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. It was riveting!”

“What’s a couple?’ I asked my mum. She said, ‘Two or three’. Which probably explains why her marriage collapsed.”

“I was in my car driving back from work. A police officer pulled me over and knocked on my window. I said, ‘One minute I’m on the phone.’

” I said to the gym instructor: “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said: “How flexible are you?” I said: “I can’t make Tuesdays.”

“A man walks into a chemist’s and says, ‘Can I have a bar of soap, please?’ The chemist says, ‘Do you want it scented?’ And the man says, ‘No, I’ll take it with me now.’”

“Alright lads, a giant fly is attacking the police station. I’ve called the SWAT team!”

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says: “Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.”


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A highly successful sales and leadership career working in a number of different and very competitive industries. Engaging with decision makers at all levels in business and government. Three decades employed by corporations, SME businesses in senior roles and almost twelve years operating as a freelance contractor has equipped me well for all aspects of business. Whether leading and mentoring sales teams, or in a direct sales role I enjoy the challenge to meet and exceed expectations. Making a real and tangible difference in either a team environment or as an individual is an important personal goal I have consistently achieved throughout my career. In all of my business and personal dealings over the years there is one issue that stands out above all others - communication. Excellent communication skills creates trust, helps with mutually beneficial outcomes and above all cements long lasting positive relationships. I strive everyday to communicate effectively with the people I encounter.