jokes humour funny

Tags: Funny jokes. Humour. Riddles

“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what that means when someone pays you minimum wage? You know what your boss was trying to say? ‘Hey, if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’”

“Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long if you’re fat.”

“The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves.”

“I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. It was riveting!”

“What’s a couple?’ I asked my mum. She said, ‘Two or three’. Which probably explains why her marriage collapsed.”

“I was in my car driving back from work. A police officer pulled me over and knocked on my window. I said, ‘One minute I’m on the phone.’

” I said to the gym instructor: “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said: “How flexible are you?” I said: “I can’t make Tuesdays.”

“A man walks into a chemist’s and says, ‘Can I have a bar of soap, please?’ The chemist says, ‘Do you want it scented?’ And the man says, ‘No, I’ll take it with me now.’”

“Alright lads, a giant fly is attacking the police station. I’ve called the SWAT team!”

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says: “Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.”